Adventure the Third

[philip_charming]

[Coming back to the cottage from the battle with the statue, Philip took care of his horse Samson, moving on autopilot... then just slumped in a chair even as the horse flopped onto a carpet nearby.

Just give him a minute, he'll reach for the bandages soon... Right now, he'll just sit and stare at his battered and aching hands.]

I helped today. I know I did. Lives were saved by my actions; mine, and those of others. But what do you say to the people that died anyway?

What do you do, when your best just isn't good enough?

Comments

[neptanc.livejournal.com]

You honor their deaths and keep moving forward. Regret will hold you back.

[philip-charming.livejournal.com]

That's the thing.

I can't be always asking myself 'what if'; I know I did the best I could and didn't make any real mistakes I'd want to undo. But why do we fight, if not so that others won't have to?

Somehow, saying 'You shouldn't have had to be part of this' to a grave just doesn't feel like it's enough.

[neptanc.livejournal.com]

Then apologize to them, if it makes you feel better about it. It's yourself you're feeling sorry for, isn't it?

[philip-charming.livejournal.com]

Myself? No, I can't say it's as simple as 'survivor's guilt.' I'm not ashamed of my part, or my continued existence... but none of that helps them, or their bereaved.

Even if it's not my fault, that doesn't make it any less wrong.

[neptanc.livejournal.com]

No, that's not what I meant. I meant… who knows what they think about it, right? Maybe they're satisfied they died valiantly, or something.

[philip-charming.livejournal.com]

...You think they might be satisfied a mobile statue made of knives caved their homes in around their ears.

If they'd been fighting, that would be different; any warrior knows that they might not make it through the battle alive. But these folks likely died before they knew there was a fight, before they knew to escape.

What satisfaction could they have?

[neptanc.livejournal.com]

What blame would they have?

[philip-charming.livejournal.com]

For dying unjustly?

What resentment wouldn't they have?

[neptanc.livejournal.com]

Whether they do or not, you shouldn't worry about it, you know?

[philip-charming.livejournal.com]

They were people. It's not that easy to just shrug and say "You win some, you lose some."